


Good job Parker!

by Banner4Hetalia



Series: Deadpool's Many Moments [1]
Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Baby's first hit job, Crackfic to the max, Did not write this with a margarita, I Will Go Down With This Ship, M/M, Mpreg, Peter is so simple, Wade cannot be trusted, no haters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-24
Updated: 2019-02-24
Packaged: 2019-11-04 17:00:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 890
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17902013
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Banner4Hetalia/pseuds/Banner4Hetalia
Summary: Peter really should have seen this coming





	Good job Parker!

**Author's Note:**

  * For [SouthernLolita](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SouthernLolita/gifts).



It was a normal day in the apartment of Deadpool and Spiderman. Well it would be normal if there wasn't an 8 month pregnant Wade Wilson laying down on the couch. 

“ Baby boy!” “Yeah, Wade?” “ Chimichanga me!!” Peter sighed, this was the fifth time within the last two hours that Wade ask-demanded a chimichanga. “ Honey you don't need it, you're eight months pregnant.” “I'm only eight months pregnant because the author decided I should be.” “Author? Wade what are you talking about?” Wade was always going on about weird things, so it so it was kinda normal to Peter, well almost normal. “Yeah, the one who's writing this and kinda badly, feel bad for her.” 

Peter debated on whether or not to just leave for a while, maybe go and see his dads and visit them for a while. His dad Tony was always telling him, “ We can have him shipped to Mexico in three hours if you want.” or “Are you sure it's your spawn, it could be a tumor, if we're lucky.” Peter thought better of going to see his folks, he remembered that leaving a heavily pregnant Wade Wilson alone could be bad, for everyone else. 

Just as Peter was deciding what to do, the phone rang. Wade picked it up,” Wilson here, bearer of Parker's offspring, can I help you?” There was a brief conversation which ended with Wade slamming the phone down and trying to get off the couch. “You need help?” “Nah, I got this, the author won't let me down too much.”

After 15 minutes in which Wade struggled to get off the couch and mumbling something about sadistic authors, he made it to the bedroom and tried putting on the suit. “Bae, what are you doing?” ”Didn't you hear that totally convenient phone call Parker? I got a job to do.” “You're eight months pregnant how are you even going to do this?” “This is basically take your child to work day, they get to see what daddy does.” Wade was now struggling to get his suit on, at which point he abandoned it and put on Uggs, yoga pants and a shirt saying,' I'm into fitness, fitness whole taco in my mouth.'

Peter counted to five before he responded, “Wade this won't end well.” “ You're right, it won't end well, I'm gonna go kill someone for money.” Deadpool was now rubbing the bump,”You hear that honey, we're gonna go kill someone in exchange for money.”

Peter was seriously debating on knocking Wade out and just leaving, but that would mean knocking a pregnant person out and that's wrong children. 

Peter just sighed, maybe he could talk Wade out of it.”Do you want me to drive you there”  
“Nah I got guy, I'll just call Dopinder, dude lets me pay with high-fives.” Wade had started to walk out the door, when Peter said, “ I'll drive you to IHOP if you let me take you.” Peter only hoped that his love of pancakes would be enough to convince him, oh who is he kidding this is Wade, he could be bought with a pack of chiclets. 

“IHOP? Alright you're driving.”

~Magical fancy-ass time skip~

After an hour and a half at the IHOP, Wade finally had his fill and was ready to go 'unaliveing someone', as he puts it. 

“You know you don't have to do this honey, we can go anywhere else but here. We could go to the X-mansion, the Avengers tower, ANYWHERE but here.”

“Oh Spidey, you know your dad won't allow me in the tower, you know he installed those facial-recognition lasers. He keeps denying our DYNASTY, he keeps saying it's a tumor.”

“Dad doesn't mean that, he's just afraid of wrinkles and someone saying grandpa.” Wade was almost done setting up his gun in the passenger side. Peter finally looked around to see where they were actually at and was pretty surprised at who the target was.

“ Wilson”  
“Yeah?”  
“You know that's our O.B.G.Y.N right?” Peter was really surprised that Wade was about to do this considering they had an appointment at 2 tomorrow.  
“Well when piss people off and you own them money this what happens. You pay attention Wade jr., this is what happens when you piss people off and they hire someone to kill you.”  
“Wade don't call the baby Wade jr., what if it's a girl?”  
“Fine Wadina then, don't care, O.B's going bye-bye. To be fair Peter, should our O.B. really be someone who owns people 750,000?”

“That's still no reason to- wait what, 750,000?”  
“Okay, at least let me go in there and pee.” Peter you probably shouldn't do this.  
“Fine.” Let it be know that Peter Parker was not a genius people, and that we can all see what is coming a mile ahead.

Not even 2 minutes after Wade waddled into the building did Peter hear the familiar sounds of a gun firing. “Damn it Wade!!” Wade appeared shortly after that, holding a smoking gun and several mints from the front desk. As he got back in, Peter just laid down on the wheel,”I should have seen this coming.” “You really should have, the readers saw it coming, the author saw it coming,well she's writing this so yeah.”


End file.
